Things are looking up

Yesterday I had my second blood draw to test my hcg level to make sure it is still coming down. I was hoping that it would be at least half of what it was last week but not ever believing that it would be (It was 1039 last week). The nurse called me back and said I had a very good drop and now I was at 192!! Holy moly! That is fantastic! So now I go back July 1 to check it again and hopefully it will be 0. :)

We had a great father's day last week. Saturday dad played golf with Eric, Patrick and Victoria while Jack and I visited my very best friend for her birthday. We all met back in Burlington for dinner and then back to Pat's to visit. It was nice to be together. Sunday Eric got a card and magnet from Jack, which had a picture of the two of them on it. Then we made our way to church and to lunch afterwards. It was a great day. Jack played with his favorite cousin for a few hours and then crashed on the way home. I had to wake him up at 5:30pm!

So all in all it was a great weekend. Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there!

Results of the blood draw

Yesterday I went to the doctor to have my blood drawn to make sure my hcg was going down. I found out it was 1039 so I have to go back next Monday to check it again. I need for it to be <5. They check that because if it doesn't go down then that could mean that there is still something left over that can cause infection.

I'm feeling pretty good. Back to normal, I think. I just want to get this whole thing behind me.

Hormones are no joke!

Wow, the fast reduction in pregnancy hormones is no joke! I was a mess yesterday but am feeling much better today. I can't believe it has been a week since we found out. Fortunately time is moving quickly. Thank you for all the prayers and I hope you will continue to pray for us.

Feeling down today

I'm not sure why today is harder than other days. Maybe it is the announcement that a co-worker had her baby last night or perhaps the announcement that another friend is pregnant. While I am happy for them, it is a reminder of what we lost.

I keep remembering the ultrasound when we saw the baby's heartbeat. I wish I could go back to that day and appreciate the miracle that moment was. Knowing the outcome, Eric and I were fortunate to have seen it because soon after, the heart stopped. At the time of the ultrasound, I knew something was wrong because the baby wasn't growing as it should and the heartbeat was not as fast as it should have been and that was all I could focus on. Eric was happy because it was his understanding that once you see a heartbeat, the risk of miscarrying goes down to 5%. I wish I could have soaked in that moment a little longer without the sadness and worry. Because we saw the heartbeat, the tech gave us the ultrasound photo and that is something I will keep and treasure.

This whole process is so heartbreaking and unfair. I know we should not question God's plan and I know this is for the best but it still hurts. It is a comfort to know that our two angels are in heaven playing together and looking forward to the day when they will have the chance to meet their mommy and daddy. I can't wait for that day either.

God is Good!

Going into the weekend, I was very nervous about what would happen when I miscarried. I was armed with pain killers and ready whenever the pain would begin. Saturday Jack and I played at the park and took a nap together and played in the sprinkler. It was a pretty good day. I was feeling some discomfort but nothing too bad. We had dinner and I was hurting a little bit more and took one pain pill. I was getting very nervous at this point. Eric and I played old Nintendo games and had a good night (Not the best anniversary but it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting it to be). By the time we went to bed, the worst was over. I could not believe it. The pain was not even a tenth of what it was the first time. I was praising God! He has really answered my prayers and carried me through this process. Eric and I were both amazed.

This morning (Monday) I had an ultrasound and saw the doctor. He said everything was great and there was no reason why we could try again in a month. He did tell me that they will start me on progesterone supplements to be safe and test me for some obscure things that could cause a problem. He said that because I had Jack in between two miscarriages, I was not at a higher risk for another.

I think I am going to keep this blog for the next baby. It will remind me of the peace I’ve been given and the lessons I’ve learned going through this process. Even though God did not answer the prayers to save my baby, I know that he has something even better in store for my family and I am looking forward to the future.

Another Angel Baby in Heaven

Wednesday, June 1, I started spotting and called the Doctor. I knew the news would not be good. This is exactly what happened with the first pregnancy at exactly the same time. They didn’t call back so I decided to pick up Eric and go to the office in case they could fit me in. There was no way I would wait until the next day. I talked to the receptionist and they fit me in for an ultrasound at the end of the day.

We go into the room and the ultrasound tech begins. We can see the baby but no heartbeat can be found. After she takes some measurements (baby measures 6weeks) and we are finished, she takes us into a room to wait for the doctor. At this point, I have prepared myself for this moment and am not as devastated as I was the first time. I can’t explain it except to say that God granted me and Eric peace that only he can give. We know that there was something wrong with this baby and we will have to wait a little while before we can meet him/her. I now know what to expect and I know that having another baby is possible. After all Jack was the result of a miscarriage.

The doctor says we can try again right away so hopefully in a few months we will start another journey. For now, I am thankful for the beautiful son I have and amazing husband that loves me. We will celebrate our 6^th wedding anniversary on Saturday and he has been my rock over the last six years. I am truly blessed.